guys in my life

currently..i have three...haha...fun? not really..no...interesting? you can say that....
okay.. here goes

1. my boyfriend
lets call him incubus guy..coz he looks kinda like the lead singer from incubus..not that hes the spawn of satan..tho sometimes...hmm..not sure...
anyways...
2.someone i flirt with at the office and...

3.someone i flirt with online

within these three guys there are all the things that i wanted as my life partner..the thing is..not one of them have all the qualities...all of them have some of the qualities..get it? im sure out there there are lots of women who have these same problem..if only i can perform surgery on them..you know... take out this...put in that... exchange something..A to B.. C to A..oh..you get the idea....
okay... my incubus guy...he's the current love of my life...when im in a good mood.. hes cute..hes funny...he makes me laugh..and that is a very important quality to have in a life partner! he takes care of me..but... he has this bouts of depression...then he went to his cave..for weeks...sheesh..he'll brood..and moan the world is against him..yadayadayada.... he's a scorpio..most of them are like that...but i cant stand it! becoz itll take weeks! at that time i'll be left alone...wats the fun in that rite?

well.. becoz he broods too much..i started flirting..hell...i need to do something in my spare time... now this guy..is younger than me..a junior in the office..but..he likes to flirt with me..soo.i flirted back..i went on a few dates...nothing sparks...coz he is kinda shy...but hes warming up a bit...the thing is..he i sooo slow...if he wants me..then make a move! if he doesnt..stop flirting! i hate indecisive guys....

number three is a guy i met online..now hes way older...bout 10 years... and i like the conversation.. very mentally stimulating...no hanky panky...but flirts quite quite nicely... the prob here? nothing..cept of coz..it is online... so nothing will go from there....i assure u...

shopping therapy-is it real?

oh yes.... i agree to it 100%! shopping is the way to make feel good and..look good... when you bought something, that feeling of power makes you feel like a new woman! its better than chocolate covered ice cream cake on a hot day i tell you that...
if you have a bad day at work..go shopping! even if it is the last thing you should do considering you ave max out your card..hey i dont care.. there are loads of credit card company out there willing to give you more credit limit that you can ever use! haha..bad advice i know..but if you feel so frustated..depressed..why not go shopping..ah...to hell with those people out there saying you should be doing somethin else for you to release stress..somethin cheap like going for walks...hey..nothing beats the feeling of owning something..to have control of your own choice..no one is going to tell you what colour to choose for that piece of lingerie your holding..you yourself made the choice..and al those sales persons bowing to your every need...youll feel like a queen... is not that therapy at its best? boosting your confidence? making yourself beautiful?
hell...beats having a boyfriend doesnt it?

a feeling of boredom sweeping over me!!! help...this is not the usual boredness that i felt but...somethings different..i cant quite put my finger on it...maybe its more of loneliness than boredom... im not alone but im lonely... this is wat u get if u have a long distance boyfriend... ull get this lonely....but at the same time u are thinking..u should not be lonely! u ave a boyfriend!
sheesh... arent u supposed to be lucky? hmm... i dont know...

just celebrated my birthday a few days ago..man...i feel soooo old.... by the way..im 26..okay okay not that old...but i feel oldd...u know the feeling? felt like "this is it" this is my life..nothing more to go from here.." got a job..that pays okay.. got a car... got a 'sometime hes there' boyfriend... so wat else?
im thinking of furthering my studies..but...i dont know... too lazy? anyways wat for? maybe ill wait till im bored to death with my job then ill go... rite now...only bored to tears..hahahaha...
my wish for my birthday? to get married... very old fashioned...i will be killed by all those women power chicks out there..but..it is what i wish for..to have a family that i can be bored together....haha..my biological clock is ticking like crazy like some kind of time bomb... my boyfriend doesnt have any money...at all... sheesh and im not talking bout a grand wedding or sumthing,...but hes so scared that he cant take care of me... stupid..i told him a few million times that we should take care of EACH OTHER... that we should talk bout it...hes afraid of the comitment.what man doesnt? so..thats why im going fishing..to find other men whos NOT afraid of comitment...soo...that should take me about what... a hundred million years? haha...:P
hmm...

anyways... i met my boyfriend on the net... yes yes...i have a boyfriend... hey ...im still single! i can be single and have a boyfriend... ill let u know why... patience...patience....
it was three or four years ago..i forgot... now u see? why im still single? haha..it was when i got dumped by this guy..i was still in university back then... that guy...the one who dumped me.. said that i looked like his ex..then he went back to her...so...i was depressed and i went online on the mIRC..to find guys to trash...haha..so i gave lots of men my phone nummer...stupid i know..but hey i was depressed... but only one called..we got to talking..turns out he got dumped too...that was a red flag...a guy on the rebound is soo dangerous but i still do not learn my lesson...im a sucker for hopeless cases... then.... i ask to meet him because i do not want him to be dissapointed and ditch me after he saw me.. i want to ditch him first..but... one date led to another date...suddenly its been a year...i can never call him my boyfriend back then.because we only went out...and theres no declaration of love...and..he was soo hard to be contacted...but i still fell for him..that showed how desparate i was.... u know...he'll call after a few weeks of silence,...asked me out...we had fun walking around parks..talking...then we argue...then he will call after another two weeks..and it will begin again...between the arguments and the silence..i still fell for him..maybe because i cant believe a guy as cute as him will go out with me...yeah yeah..desperate...i know.... i was young..stupid...erm...stupid...

have you ever have the feeling that the world is out to get u? its been so long since my first rantings rite? to tell ya the truth..ive suddenly had this scary feelings about people reading this..sheesh my thots in the open... hmm well..then..after these few months..it kept bugging me..i need to write..i need to write...soo..here i am...and i dont care who reads it... so there... anyways..lots had happened since january... ive been so so so busy with my job... i cant even think straight... with my personal life? wow..so many changes im still reeling... okay okay...im gonna tell... but i should start from the very beginning so as to make u understand rite... here goes...
when i was starting university, it was when this SMS thing just starting..it was free back then! not so many people have a handphone..but because of the ingenuity of this one TELCO company...it gave away dirt cheap hp for students living in the campus...and they introduce the first ever pre-paid service.. specially for students from this particular university and the SMS are free! aahh the sweet old days...anyway.. because of this free sms service..the sudents got into chatting..with whomever...andi was one of them..i was hooked..man..to be someone else...online..and its free...well..actually this have nothing to do with my story..but im getting to it....