hate myself for loving you...

i hate myself from loving him!
hate hate hate hate hate....
why why why do i still puts up with this very selfish guy?
why do i still clamors for even a little bit of his attention?
why do all..okay...some..women still do this..we are educated, independent self sufficient women but still falls head over heels with this type of guy?

answer:
because we cant find anyone else
because deep down we know we are imperfect, not capable of finding good guys, can't cook, not good looking enough,
NOT LOVABLE
because watever all women say we dont really need a man..we want a man, and we know only this type, the needy, the abusive,the selfish, that wants us, maybe not for the right reasons, but they wants us in our life.
i blame the society, where in this place, tho we have skyscrapers, jets, been to the moon and back, a woman without a man is still considered flawed, cacat...
a woman who does not contribute in procreation is likened to a leper...tho no one will ever say this out loud..but thats everyones is thinking!
ive been brainwashed...
but we are wired biologically to have mates rite? so why is it soo hard to find a good guy? not handsome, not rich, no.
it's me isnt it..im flawed, because ive been to one of those dating sites..and believe me, those guys in there are soo demanding, they want good looking girls... nice looking girls..beautiful girls...how dare they wrote those things..have they looked in front of the mirror lately? wat if i were to write that..handsome guys only, no chubby, short, too tall..too dark, too skinny, muscular guys with big **** only..how would they feel looking at my not so good looking pic?
ive been convincing myself for 4 years that i will show my guy that deep inside, im good for him, in fact, he knows it, but he still tried to convince himself theres somebody out there thats better for him, but, he doesnt want to let me go, because i fullfill him, emotionally, and watever he needs fullfilling, but when i wanted some TLC, some encouragement, he couldnt handle it, and im forced to be happy with crumbs, and then when i voice it out, he said that im ungrateful, that ive changed that i did not keep my promise... hes wrong for me rite?? rite??
but................


there is no one else out there...is there?