Blog entry 3 july 2006

Hi, im at my workplace and im going to post this when I can. I feel seriously depressed today. When I was down with fever 2 days ago, my so called boyfriend never calls. Is it my fault? Its his rite? I told him I was sick, he called for ten seconds the first day then after that nothing! Zilch, nada, hmm… I don’t really know what to do… all the people I ask tell me I should leave him, but why cant I leave him? Am I that desperate to have a partner? Hes not that good u know. Its just im sick of being single, and alone, but if he treats me like this, like dirt, im sick of this too… im sick of asking for crumbs from him. Well I guess he lied when he said he loves me. I don’t want a ‘sometime’ love! I want an always and forever love… and u know..that thing my friend told me about? Ohh that thing when she said ull find disappointment in marriage? That thing keeps bugging me..i kept thinking bout it, partly I want to know what triggers the statement from her, but more because of … well…is it truly? It quite shatters my illusions, well I know, and I understand, married life is not a bed of roses..hmm maybe it is, cos roses have thorns rite? I mean its not all fun and happy and sexually fulfilled, but, cant I just hold on to some illusion that when we are married we’ll be getting something? I mean.. takkanlaaa..its not that bad is it? Then why the hell people get married? I mean, yesterday I just went to a wedding, and I got invitations up to my ears..(okay ankles) for weddings next month… seems to always be going to someones wedding..when will it ever be mine?
Im trying to find boyfriends but I can never find one, this one keeps coming back even when I have asked him to leave for various offences. I really do not know what he has against women, he sometimes so bent on finding someone to fulfill him that hes obsessed, he becomes selfish, demanding, uncaring, but I knew that when he was with his ex (who broke his heart) hes the opposite! Sometimes I feel like hes abusing me just to see whether I can stand him, then he wants me because im the only one who can stands him. Why cant I get him the first time? Because I know at that time hes the perfect boyfriend, maybe he just doesn’t want me, plain and simple, but where can I get the courage to leave him? My self worth is plummeting.. I feel old, ugly, fat, unworthy of love, hell, when your 26, you shouldn’t be thinking bout this anymore rite? Your supposedly have this confidence, that men will see beyond all that as long as u believe in it. But easier said than done babe………..

baaad day....

god..wat a bad day... i came down with a high fever..and my doc suspected dengue! theres a few cases in my neighbourhood..but nahh... i think its the stress...haha..blam e it on the stress...always...
and..i got a weird message from my best friend..saying something like i shouldnt marry someone if that someone doesnt really love you..bla bla bla... hmm..is my friend hinting i shouldnt accept my boyfriends proposal? anyway...yep he proposed..shouldnt i be more ecstatic? maybe..but...i dont really believe him...anyway..the date is set for another year..so i do not keep my hopes up... anything can happen in a year rite? but that message do got me thinking... and got me scared... yes..my friend managed to get me scared about marriage thank you very much! sheesh.... but come to think of it..some people got problems of their own rite? being in love with each other doesnt solve all problems in marriage rite?
i dont expect much in marriage..my mum says...marriage is a gamble..wise words from a wise woman...

boredom sets in...

boreD! boring...... boredom kingdom...
but hey...
WORLD CUP IS HERE! yes...what u dont think football is for girls? hah.. i do..where else u can watch lots of men with tight butts...hahaha... anyways...the tricks and strategies intrigue me..im fascinated by it..im not a loyal fan..but..i love watching them chase balls around...thats not wrong..rite?
mmm..... beckham....

but..my fav team is still JAPAN...NAKATA forever!!!!

The Book of Loss by Julith Jedamus

i've been reading this book called the book of loss..its a story set in ancient Japan..at first i was thinking why the hell is this writer chose this setting for a story? then i look at the story.. its about two women trying to outdo each other to get the love of a man..so im thinking..if this writer tries to use a modern setting, i dont think this will sell at all...coz..well people wont accept this type of things although....although it does happen in the real world..people just wont admit it...women have been vying for mens attentions for centuries..so..maybe this writer feels if she puts in an ancient setting.itll become more palatable... sellable but at the same time will put forth what is real...hmm..i havent finished it...it kinda bores me..the way its written i mean... first person view is not my kind of thing..but im intrigued by by the issue...lets see...shall we?

WHAT A GREAT DATE!!

my boyfriend loves me! or...i was hoping he does... hes here! in my hometown.. we went traipsing round the world...or..not the world..but felt like it... we are at our best, in our relationship, when we are travelling in the car... my car...bears witness to tears...laughter...fights..breakups....makeups....feww... i hate him..huh?? hihih....
he makes me feel happy then...hell do somethin stupid...we fight.... then i feel rotten...i will feel more rotten coz ive been soooo happy before...
hmm..hope this time it wont be like this.... hope ill have a permanent one finally.... if not.... I WILL RATHER STAY SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND LIVE WITH A HUNDRED CATS!!!!
hmm... rantings,...... who knows what will happen next?

cintailah bahasa ibundaku!

saje je..penat gak tulis english ni...
bukan ape....terpengaruh dengan bacaan blog yang banyak amat di serata world wide web ni... ramai sangat dari malaysia, seronok juga... tapi kebanyakannya merapu macam aku gak..... so..nak try laa merapu juga dalam bahasa ibunda yang tak berapa betul ni.. aku ni.. bahasa melayu dah kurang betul sebab belajar banyak sangat english...maklumlaa kerjaya dalam bahasa tu... tapi..english tak berapa jadik..bahasa melayu jadi hancur..envy juga tengok blog2 yang gunakan bahasa ibunda ku ..sedap dipandang mata...isk... aku ni...pandai berbahasa pasar je..nasib baik masih ber loghat johor-riau... adala bunyi macam betul....macam ajela...
so kesimpulannya?
belajar bahasa asing untuk maju...tapi jangan tinggalkan bahasa ibunda kerana itu yang mencorak kehidupan...ceewaaaah.....

hullo.......
hmmm... i was chatting with strangers the other day..and it suddenly hits me..i lurve flirting... i love the feeling of excitement of getting to know someone the first time...the headiness...the giddiness....the interest for someone... i already know...as an ARIES...i get bored easily...so... i keep on flirting... hey.its a sport.. you have to have skills...and..you learn a lot about human behaviour... i think ill go and take a pschology class... just to make my flirting better...haha you never know....

am i too sensitive?

money..the problem is always about money... cant get married coz not enough money... boyfriend wants to borrow money..gave it to him..already..but still...he made it as if it was my obligation to give it to him... hey... i can give it to him okay...but its quite a lot..so pay me back! wats to be sooo sensitive about? but thats wat u get dealing with money...
hmm...

to be with other guys is more

fun?

i just went for a picnic... with afew friends..one of them is a single guy..hey..this is not saying i wanted him or something..just pondering... kay... i have a boyfriend tho hes so far away.... that i miss the company...i totally understand why he tried to cheat on me once... long story..another day... kay?
anyway... it made me think..i like to think... erm.. i had fun with this guy..because...i was not trying to hit on him.. i was able to relax.show myself..not care watever anyone else think...ironically..we can only do this when we have someone in our life... it made me feel i dont know... how i look in front of this guy coz i am not hitting on him..yeah yeah i know we should be ourselves when we are with a loved one... but at a certain point..u wanna impress him rite? so u wouldnt normally show the 'bad' part of u to him.. dont lie..at some point we all do that... so... my pondering is... no wonder some people are attracted to attached people... they are more relaxed..more confident... well the main reason they are more confident is because they know they are wanted by someone...so the desperate urge to find partners...impress them are non existent...this way..they are more relaxed to show themselves..have fun...be silly..without worrying..oh.. i must look soo stupid in front of this person... or something...
so... will u have more fun in flirting? or in love?

Your Soul Number is FOUR.

Responsible, conscientious, and rather serious, you expect to work for what you want in life, and you don't appreciate frivolity, laziness, or inconstancy in other people. You have a strong sense of duty and you need to be productive. You are very capable in practical affairs and may have mechanical abilities.

A well organized, structured, disciplined lifestyle appeals to you and you prefer security to excitement and surprises. You love tradition and don't question the conventions, rules, and methods you were brought up with. You think in clear, simple, practical terms and are honest and square in your dealings with others. Basically conservative, you may distrust the unfamiliar and anything you feel might threaten your orderly and peaceful existence. You never take risks unless you have laid a firm foundation for success. You may lack imagination and the desire to learn new ways. Also, you do not allow yourself to relax and be carefree often enough. Part of the reason for this is that others depend upon your practical abilities so much that when you do have free time, you may find yourself fixing someone's car, helping a friend with their taxes, or doing some other chore. Try to avoid becoming a workaholic. You deserve to play sometimes too!

by astrology.com

i dont think this is me at all.... but hey...this is some cosmic power we're talking bout rite? who am i to judge?

You're a Synchronized Swimmer!


The Passion Predictor

Brought to you by Tickle

hey..
ive been so lazy in writing my blog..i dunno...sometimes.. i feel im too lazy to do anything...
ive a lot to tell ya.. lets see now... okay..i recently went for a course... my department sent me..it has something to do with my confirmation..in my job..
anyway...this course is about instilling love for the country... your job..bla bla bla... ive been to these types of courses before...and frankly its all the same...the speeches..the exercises.... assignments u have to do... we can predict whats next..and kinda bores me,.. but hey...we know its necessary so just bear with it...i dont mind..if it means we can escape work for a week..so be it...
anyways,...this time its held in an outward bounds school..so we have..a bit of rappeling we have to do...running... jungle trekking..all part of team building..or watever...

i was deathly afraid of heights...so when it came to rappeling...i nearly peed my pants off...but hey..i can proudly say...i did it... man...what an experience... wont do that ever again...
heheh...

then theres the 2 km run..i hate physical activities! but i managed it..with the huffing and puffing..all the way up a hill... sheesh...my legs are sore for days after that... but again ..i did it...

the jungle trekking wasnt soo bad.... its not really a jungle we walk thru,... just some shrubs i think... but again..with some huffing and puffing under the scorching midday sun... i did it...

im kinda proud for my self... and... yesterday..i bought two new pair of shoes..heheh..hey a girl should reward herself....

my tarot reading

this is my online tarot reading
its the answer to:
will he marry me?

Self: The Empress

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Your presence, warm and generous, is sought after by those around you.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

The Empress symbolizes harmony, comfort, creativity and wisdom. This Great Mother beckons us with her life-giving support. She is the abundant matrix from which we draw vital life and out of which we individuate.

The Empress exemplifies health and natural joy in the body, the healing arts, music and all things good, true and beautiful. We learn our highest ideals from her. The Empress in this position indicates that you personify something generous, warm and nurturing.

---

Situation: Two of Cups

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Reason cannot decipher the synergy of this situation because it is happening on a heart level.

The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.

When the Two of Cups is in this position, you are dealing with a situation that may be permeated by a romantic, idealistic and psychically open quality. Such a state of affairs practically suspends the ordinary rules of reason.

It is as if you are operating within a reality where your sensors work better than your logical mind. You may want to feel your way through this situation rather than relying on intellect. It's not that things are doomed to being irrationally erratic. It's just that something in the air transcends logic as psychic, emotional and spiritual energies permeate the atmosphere.

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Challenges/ Opportunities: Four of Swords

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Escape to your sanctuary to do some necessary internal work.

The card that lands in the Challenges/Opportunities position refers to ways that you can turn obstacles into stepping stones.

The Four of Swords in this position urges you to find a place and time for quiet reflection. You are probably overstimulated, having made yourself too indispensable. This card represents the tribal, familial or cultural qualities passed to you by your ancestors that mark and define you, that make you the unique individual you are.

Acknowledge how much you have neglected your inner life and resolve to budget time and energy to tend to this vault of treasures. We need to get away from the outer life occasionally to do an internal audit, to create a new strategy, or to envision alternative paths. Without a retreat into quiet time, you cannot expect to marshal our very best resources for the challenges and opportunities ahead. Break away from your preoccupations and find a "cave" for the internal work which may be crucial to emerging developments.

---

Foundation: Ace of Wands

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
An inborn awareness and strength of purpose will serve you well.

The card in the Foundation position points to influences from your personal history, your roots and background.

The Ace of Wands in this position indicates a long-held strong sense of centeredness coupled with an ability to recognize within yourself what is real and right for you. This is a clear sign that your self-will is intact.

Don't do anything to compromise that natural internal barometer. Your inherent sensibilities will serve you every day of your life, so don't tamper with them.

---

Recent Past: Ten of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Your fading attachment to the past gives you an opportunity to mature.

The card in the Recent Past position refers to events that are just departing, recently influential but now diminishing in power.

With the Ten of Coins in this position, you are leaving behind family connections or traditional sources of support and coming into a certain maturity. Your perspective has changed as a result of this shift. You know more of what the wide world holds and you can assume a stronger stance. Your dependence upon the past is fading, and this bodes well for you.

---

Higher Power: Ace of Cups

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Your current outlook, so full of warmth and approval, is infecting others with a love of life.

The card in the Higher Power position reflects the broader perspective and influence of your conscience, Guardian Angel, inner wisdom.

When the Ace of Cups falls in this position, your Higher Power is blessing you with an abundance of approval. As you feel this powerfully within yourself, your self-respect rises like the level of a lake in spring.

The feeling that you are the right person in the right place at the right time is elating. As your self-esteem increases, the feelings of your heart deepen. This "inner smile" expands the dimensions of your consciousness, awakening you to experience life on a higher frequency. Living life on this level increases your optimism, confidence and generosity -- attracting people to you and your gifts.

---

Near Future: Seven of Swords

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Your deliberate, focused efforts provide a blueprint for the winning mentality necessary in your situation.

The card in the Near Future position indicates which way the wind is blowing with regard to your situation. If you follow the Advice card, however, you can improve on or neutralize tendencies.

When the Seven of Swords falls in this position, you have an opportunity to see your life dreams and objectives play out step by step according to the grand plan. As you bring your intended goal into materialization, the one you care about will gain confidence that evolutionary change is possible.

This is not just about successfully completing a challenge. By disciplining your mind, you will be able to apply the kind of insight and attitudes needed to benefit your situation. And, you'll do it without letting yourself be derailed by transient concerns. Continue to demonstrate the clear focus and directed will that serves as an exemplary role model for those around you.

---

Blocks & Inhibitions: Nine of Wands

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
There's more to be gained from postponing or sharing the workload than from trying to do it all yourself.

The card in the Blocks position points to self-undermining tendencies, areas where you could be in denial, where you could get stuck -- unless you examine yourself and make some corrections.

When the Nine of Wands falls in this position, it may be time to admit that you are not irreplaceable. The truth is no one person can play all the roles on a team and cover all the bases adequately. You may have been the parent of a brilliant idea, plan or project, but if you aren't able to share the responsibilities and the rewards, you may be prevented from achieving anything at all.

Before it's too late, call in some competent people, turn things over to them, take some time out and regain your objectivity. You can gain more from taking some rest and learning how to trust than you could possibly have produced by trying to do everything yourself.

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Allies: Three of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Let those who have gone before you illuminate the way.

The card in the Allies position points to people who can be supportive or helpful to you at this time.

The Three of Coins in this position suggests that you call up a role model, living or dead. Reach out to past Masters who represent the evolution of your craft. Study their body of works; stand in their shoes. Then surround yourself with skillful and talented people who embody this spirit of creativity and invention.

Let the spirit of the past Masters challenge and provoke you to expand beyond yourself and develop their qualities within yourself. Reach out to these souls and connect with them in mind and heart if you can't reach them in time and space. Let those who have gone before you show the way.

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Advice: The Tower

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
You are the one to serve as a catalyst for change.

The card in the Advice position suggests a course of action which will harmonize what you want with what is currently possible.

With the Tower in this position, think of yourself as an agent of transformation. This self-sacrificing role is likely to create stressful situations, especially among your financial advisors and people who have an attachment to how you apply recourses. Your vision shows you that this radical change has already been unleashed by forces much larger than mere mortals, and therefore you are no longer resisting.

Now you may be at the forefront, acknowledging and accepting the bracing presence of the future bursting in on the present. Try to mediate the harsher parts of the changes as they unfold, so the most vulnerable are the most cushioned. Acknowledge yourself, as well as the others in your life, who are offering their resources to usher in a better future.

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Long-term Potential: Eight of Coins

© Tarot.com

POSITIONAL (MAIN) MEANING
Long-term success appears to be very possible for someone with your talent.

The card in the Long-term Potential position points to unknowns still taking shape. It is the "wild card" yet to be played.

The Eight of Coins in this position indicates strong talent and ability, which if taken seriously, has the potential to redefine a situation or relationship. With proper long term planning, such talents and skills may prove worthy in the world of commercial endeavors. Good fortune and success may be the result of such innovative vision and creative ideas.

On the other hand, a combination of precision and elegance may hold the key to inspiring a whole school or stylistic movement. Yours is not the talent and vision of just another craftsman. This card generally indicates a multi-dimensional talent. If you should choose to invest in it, then it may reward you handsomely over time. Prepare to take yourself seriously and position yourself for the long term. It benefits you to look for a way of being rewarded according to your worth and to make sure that your talent is visible to people who can appreciate it.

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Illustrations by permission of U.S. Games Systems, Inc. Stamford Ct, USA. Copyright U.S. Games Systems. Except as used to display a Visionary Networks' Tarot reading, further reproduction prohibited. This beautiful image, scanned with permission from U.S. Games, is based on a Tarot Deck available for purchase at USGamesInc.com.

This reading is based on the work of Tarot Expert Christine Payne-Towler and Tarot.com ©1998 - 2006. All rights reserved.

guys in my life

currently..i have three...haha...fun? not really..no...interesting? you can say that....
okay.. here goes

1. my boyfriend
lets call him incubus guy..coz he looks kinda like the lead singer from incubus..not that hes the spawn of satan..tho sometimes...hmm..not sure...
anyways...
2.someone i flirt with at the office and...

3.someone i flirt with online

within these three guys there are all the things that i wanted as my life partner..the thing is..not one of them have all the qualities...all of them have some of the qualities..get it? im sure out there there are lots of women who have these same problem..if only i can perform surgery on them..you know... take out this...put in that... exchange something..A to B.. C to A..oh..you get the idea....
okay... my incubus guy...he's the current love of my life...when im in a good mood.. hes cute..hes funny...he makes me laugh..and that is a very important quality to have in a life partner! he takes care of me..but... he has this bouts of depression...then he went to his cave..for weeks...sheesh..he'll brood..and moan the world is against him..yadayadayada.... he's a scorpio..most of them are like that...but i cant stand it! becoz itll take weeks! at that time i'll be left alone...wats the fun in that rite?

well.. becoz he broods too much..i started flirting..hell...i need to do something in my spare time... now this guy..is younger than me..a junior in the office..but..he likes to flirt with me..soo.i flirted back..i went on a few dates...nothing sparks...coz he is kinda shy...but hes warming up a bit...the thing is..he i sooo slow...if he wants me..then make a move! if he doesnt..stop flirting! i hate indecisive guys....

number three is a guy i met online..now hes way older...bout 10 years... and i like the conversation.. very mentally stimulating...no hanky panky...but flirts quite quite nicely... the prob here? nothing..cept of coz..it is online... so nothing will go from there....i assure u...

shopping therapy-is it real?

oh yes.... i agree to it 100%! shopping is the way to make feel good and..look good... when you bought something, that feeling of power makes you feel like a new woman! its better than chocolate covered ice cream cake on a hot day i tell you that...
if you have a bad day at work..go shopping! even if it is the last thing you should do considering you ave max out your card..hey i dont care.. there are loads of credit card company out there willing to give you more credit limit that you can ever use! haha..bad advice i know..but if you feel so frustated..depressed..why not go shopping..ah...to hell with those people out there saying you should be doing somethin else for you to release stress..somethin cheap like going for walks...hey..nothing beats the feeling of owning something..to have control of your own choice..no one is going to tell you what colour to choose for that piece of lingerie your holding..you yourself made the choice..and al those sales persons bowing to your every need...youll feel like a queen... is not that therapy at its best? boosting your confidence? making yourself beautiful?
hell...beats having a boyfriend doesnt it?

a feeling of boredom sweeping over me!!! help...this is not the usual boredness that i felt but...somethings different..i cant quite put my finger on it...maybe its more of loneliness than boredom... im not alone but im lonely... this is wat u get if u have a long distance boyfriend... ull get this lonely....but at the same time u are thinking..u should not be lonely! u ave a boyfriend!
sheesh... arent u supposed to be lucky? hmm... i dont know...

just celebrated my birthday a few days ago..man...i feel soooo old.... by the way..im 26..okay okay not that old...but i feel oldd...u know the feeling? felt like "this is it" this is my life..nothing more to go from here.." got a job..that pays okay.. got a car... got a 'sometime hes there' boyfriend... so wat else?
im thinking of furthering my studies..but...i dont know... too lazy? anyways wat for? maybe ill wait till im bored to death with my job then ill go... rite now...only bored to tears..hahahaha...
my wish for my birthday? to get married... very old fashioned...i will be killed by all those women power chicks out there..but..it is what i wish for..to have a family that i can be bored together....haha..my biological clock is ticking like crazy like some kind of time bomb... my boyfriend doesnt have any money...at all... sheesh and im not talking bout a grand wedding or sumthing,...but hes so scared that he cant take care of me... stupid..i told him a few million times that we should take care of EACH OTHER... that we should talk bout it...hes afraid of the comitment.what man doesnt? so..thats why im going fishing..to find other men whos NOT afraid of comitment...soo...that should take me about what... a hundred million years? haha...:P
hmm...

anyways... i met my boyfriend on the net... yes yes...i have a boyfriend... hey ...im still single! i can be single and have a boyfriend... ill let u know why... patience...patience....
it was three or four years ago..i forgot... now u see? why im still single? haha..it was when i got dumped by this guy..i was still in university back then... that guy...the one who dumped me.. said that i looked like his ex..then he went back to her...so...i was depressed and i went online on the mIRC..to find guys to trash...haha..so i gave lots of men my phone nummer...stupid i know..but hey i was depressed... but only one called..we got to talking..turns out he got dumped too...that was a red flag...a guy on the rebound is soo dangerous but i still do not learn my lesson...im a sucker for hopeless cases... then.... i ask to meet him because i do not want him to be dissapointed and ditch me after he saw me.. i want to ditch him first..but... one date led to another date...suddenly its been a year...i can never call him my boyfriend back then.because we only went out...and theres no declaration of love...and..he was soo hard to be contacted...but i still fell for him..that showed how desparate i was.... u know...he'll call after a few weeks of silence,...asked me out...we had fun walking around parks..talking...then we argue...then he will call after another two weeks..and it will begin again...between the arguments and the silence..i still fell for him..maybe because i cant believe a guy as cute as him will go out with me...yeah yeah..desperate...i know.... i was young..stupid...erm...stupid...

have you ever have the feeling that the world is out to get u? its been so long since my first rantings rite? to tell ya the truth..ive suddenly had this scary feelings about people reading this..sheesh my thots in the open... hmm well..then..after these few months..it kept bugging me..i need to write..i need to write...soo..here i am...and i dont care who reads it... so there... anyways..lots had happened since january... ive been so so so busy with my job... i cant even think straight... with my personal life? wow..so many changes im still reeling... okay okay...im gonna tell... but i should start from the very beginning so as to make u understand rite... here goes...
when i was starting university, it was when this SMS thing just starting..it was free back then! not so many people have a handphone..but because of the ingenuity of this one TELCO company...it gave away dirt cheap hp for students living in the campus...and they introduce the first ever pre-paid service.. specially for students from this particular university and the SMS are free! aahh the sweet old days...anyway.. because of this free sms service..the sudents got into chatting..with whomever...andi was one of them..i was hooked..man..to be someone else...online..and its free...well..actually this have nothing to do with my story..but im getting to it....

First entry

Never done this before.. guess should start somewhere.. im free to rant and rage and tell the world im single.. after 3 years of relationship.. but i think of it is not realy a realtionship at all..later on that..now...
i wanna tell the world our side of the story, our here means a malay malaysian muslim girls 25 above who still cant have succesful relationships and are pressured to find one by society, family, peers..to make it harder... i live in such a small town.. well.. small as in one shopping mall, one movie theater... sheesh..i mean its practically impossible to find a good man here..or any men...
i want ppl to know.. that every time they ask us.. "so.. when are you going to get married?" i want to scream none of your bloody business! but of course politeness calls so we just smile... oh... havent met the right one..... but inside we wanna say... why dont you help me find one? or.. would you like to divorce your husband and give him to me? well maybe not...
okay.. i guess i need to organize my writing.. where shall i start? should i start with telling the story of relationships gone wrong? or should i start with whats going on with my life right now that made me start writing this...